sleep eludes me tonight

30Sep08

It is 2:14 and I cannot sleep and I have been staring into the blackness.  Part of me is numb, I am not upset though, I would tell you I am ok, that I had a pretty good day, but right now I want to cry because I am alone in my room and I cannot sleep.  And for some reason deep down I think I am terrified but I dont know why.  I don’t understand why everything can’t be better, and why I can’t be normal.  I don’t understand what my body doing alot of the time and this is scary to me.

I know I am not alone, I know there are people who love me, and who believe I will become healthier and that the doctors will find what is wrong, and I know that God is with me always, but sometimes deep beneath the good days there is a pain I cannot get rid of.  I don’t know.

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