to do to you what spring does to the cherry trees.” Pablo Neruda

That line takes my breath away. We agreed last night that it may be the sexiest line of poetry ever written. It is a line of hope, of innocence and yet understanding, of sexuality and desire, of restraint. Perhaps this line is so vivid because growing up in Washington, D.C. the cherry blossoms are so vivid in the way such a tiny flower, such a fragile flower transforms the skyline calling the spring to bring forth the warm breezes. Perhaps I see my life in these lines, I want to approach life the way spring approaches the cherry trees. I want to bloom, to be beautiful, to live in the moment, and for the moment.

Enough. This is a post about moments:

Mia Casa

Results of being and artist with Nae

Angelina’s: My favorite place for lunch.

Isn’t this menu tempting?!?! <3

These are just some glimpses of this life that I lead here in Miami.

kisses

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Last night, walking up the tile steps to my apartment, breathing in the deep warm tropical air, life began to sparkle again in the moonlight. Miami is freedom to me, in less than a month I will have lived here for an entire year on my own. My Aunt Teresa passed away suddenly and I was in Virginia for the funeral, and all I could think was she wasn’t allowed to leave me all alone. Yet I have never been in a better place, and I know God knew that, though if you are reading this my sweet Jesus I am still not happy she is gone!!!  The realization that I am now an adult seems as foreign as it is immediate. The most important thing she taught me was to live in the moment. She always said I never knew if I would have tomorrow, so I had to live as if there were only today. I wonder if she knew she would die young.

After mass I went to Icebox with Nae for lunch, for they have the most fabulous green tea with fresh mint and sugared lemon syrup. My Miami life feels so different from the one I led in the green southern vine encased roads of Virginia. Of course after lunch Nae convinced me to walk down Lincoln with her, which house, guess what-An Anthro. We had to stop-now I should know by now to never go shopping with her unless you have money to spend because she cons you into purchasing something. Though it was on clearance, and it is practical, and so comfortable… this is terrible.

This afternoon I decided to take Rilke and go to the beach, Nae was going to meet me. Now before Miami I only owned one swim suit, however now I have several. It’s a hazard of living a block from the beach I suppose ;) But it seemed like a black bikini kind of day after all Rilke has lines about fathomless night skies and such. One must be dramatic. The water was a liquid jade today, and as the East Coast girl that I am I fully appreciated the few large waves that made an appearance this afternoon.

But now it is 10:30, and I have a poem due tomorrow, and must get up early to head into the office so I shall say goodnight.

kisses

barbara

I would like to step out of my heart and go walking beneath the enormous sky. Rilke

One of the beautiful things about Miami Beach in the summer, is that it empties of all extraneous vehicles, and I can make it mass in under 10 minutes. I was contemplating this when I arrived 1o minutes early to St. Patrick’s. Of course rather than thinking of all the ways I could use the extra 1o minutes to pray I thought of how much longer I can stay in bed on Sunday mornings. A peachy-keen catholic I know ;) However I was rattled this morning because while walking/searching for my car ( I have tendency to forget what street I parked it on, hence the always exciting game of hide-and-seek-and-don’t-panic-its-not-stolen) this gentleman rode up on his bicycle as I was unlocking my car door and asked my favorite question “Are you single?”  I suppose you can’t fault Miami for now cutting straight to the point. I feel awful for turning people down, perhaps I should have asked to mass, but I just stood there smiling and shaking my head, telling him I wasn’t interested in going out for drinks. I mean after all I do complain about being lonely an awful lot, but being asked out on a Sunday morning on my way to mass?? What can I say, God has a sense of humor ;)  After feeling guilty for a few minutes for turning the guy down I decided I could spend my extra 10 minutes praying he meets some wonderful girl who isn’t me. You see St. Patrick’s always cheers me up!!!

There is something about the singing, the dresses, and the unpredictability of Father’s homilies that just makes my heart swell with joy :) Now I confess I miss going to mass with, well lets see what shall we call him, well we shall deal with that later. But to make up for not being able to go to mass together anymore I try to sneak a quick, “peace be with you” text under the noses of the old ladies during the sign of peace. One of these days I am going to get caught, but I am confident that my dear sweet jesus understands ;) I think he would have been a fabulous text-er. Anyways perhaps today was not the most thrilling, but then again, Sundays are meant to be lazy days. Days to bask in the fact that even with all of our flaws we are loved extravagantly by the one and only person who will know us the most intimately. Today was our walk to Emmaus, Jesus’ and I. He broke the bread, letting me recognize his hand in my life, again, renewing his love for me with every breath I take. It was perfectly spent Sunday.

<3 kisses from miami

To whom read this, and if you still do then I am impressed, today marks the beginning of a new journey. Having spent the last week mourning the fact that I am too poor to travel this summer, I realized that I was failing in an area which I had always taken great pride: The ability to find beauty and joy in life. And thus today, as I writing this dilemma in my journal a brilliant idea came to me. Beginning with post I am going to write at least 1oo words a day on life in Miami, thus documenting the summer and perhaps salvaging my sanity as I embark on a long and hot voyage through the palm trees, wilting orchids and humidity. After all how many summers will I have to live in such a tropical and exotic location?

Day One:

If you have not had the pleasure of having an Italian neighbor, I pity you. I however have the pleasure. I introduce you to my single, rather attractive, and passionate neighbor Antonio. Even as I type this is the deepening dusk, a torrent, like a violent waterfall of syllables and Mama’s are erupting behind the white plaster wall that separates our flats. With Antonio and his daily, tantrums sounds so childish, so I suppose we can say passionate conversations though he just stomped past my window and down the stairs, I can almost believe I am back in Roma. After all with palm trees and him, you would never know I left Italy several months ago.

However back to recounting the day, which involved several more Italians. I decided that in an embrasive mood, I would welcome the summer by going to the library in South Beach. Thus wearing an emerald green dress, the color of hope Antonio once told me, I slid on my sunglasses and braved the day. Having reconciled myself to the fact that I would have to pay for parking at the library, I was off. However upon arriving discovered there was absolutely not a single free spot, and after 10 minutes to see if a human being would crawl out from under a rock and meander to their convertible, thus freeing a spot I gave up. I was too poor I decided to waste gas idling.

Since flexibility was key, and I was feeling to eager to begin the summer with something other than cleaning my flat, I changed courses and drove the a parking garage which is always plentiful in parking spaces and went to Starbucks. Now, my friends, if you are advocates of coffee, and the functionality of graduate students I feel is increased by whatever potion they sell me in my mermaid tattooed cup, I am distraught over the sudden increase in prices. However having just paid for two hours of parking, I decided why not be reckless and order a grande iced coffee. Today was my day, I could feel it :)

Slighted by the library, I decided to use this time to read the introduction of Selected Writings by Apollinaire. However the glamor of being intellectual waned with the realization of a 54 page introduction. By my conspirators in crime, I did manage to fathom my way through a fourth. However such reading of French surrealism and illegitimate beginnings was overwhelmed when a couple sat next to me. I have long been convinced that the only reason to learn languages is for the purpose of eavesdropping. I have never been disappointed. The couple next to me were Italians, yes see I am getting to my point, and they were discussing there trip back to Italy, as they always summered in Europe. As I beginning to feel a green sea creature of envy well within my flushed cheeks, a friend, a socialite whom they recognize come over to kiss their cheeks. They seemed surprised that he is still in town and he too talks of beginning preparations for the trip back to Italy. He asks them of their plans, and they talk of Roma until he invites them to sail with him on his yacht down to Capri, to relax, and take life easy. He spoke in English, and thus with the ability to catch more details, I tried to focus in vain upon Apollinaire’s enthusiasm for the French Art scene in the early 1900′s. I wanted to shout, “Take me, take me!!!”

Now I shall not complain that I am in a terrible condition, after all I have enough money to pay my air conditioning bills, rent and my Starbucks addictions but to summer on a yacht off the coast of Italy?? It sounded so romantic is such a Great Gatsby way… though I am sure two days in the life and I would be bored. Yet to walk under the palms, with the breeze that exists on the most special days, I thought here I am, in Miami, living only two blocks from the beach, this will be my summer, a summer to find and perhaps truly live each and every moment. Even the unbearably hot ones. So I invite you through the summer to wander with me, down the cement sidewalks naming the geckos…. because miei amici, this is only the beginning.

barbara lisette

This Lent has had its own struggles, and though I failed in giving anything up this Lent, I learned more about giving up than I remember in previous years. I learned about giving up control, giving up that life wasn’t going to go the way I wanted it, that things were not going to happen just because I wanted them too. I learned to once again give up my heart, dreams, and wishes and place them into the only hands that I trust to hold it all. Even when these hands are bloody and pierced they are hands that will never let me fall.

I have spent the last month waiting each day for a phone call from my best friend and sister who is in the hospital. I listen to her, so broken and in so much pain, and all I can do from 2,000 miles away is take her and my love for her and put it at the foot of the cross. No matter how dark it seems I know, I believe in the one who has conquered darkness forever. Last Sunday she called me to tell me she had received the Eucharist, and she told the eucharistic minister she knew it would make me happy. And I was reminded that it is in our brokenness that we find Love. The Eucharist, Christ’s broken body, his crucified body came and rested on the tongue of her broken body. In that embrace of her soul and its God, I know that he came and held her close, I know that there was healing in the act. As Easter, approaches, I picture her in the hospital and I wish we were little again. But seeing her like this has reminded me that our lives are not to be taken for granted, and we will never know how long we have. I grieve for her suffering but in her suffering I am reminded of the Lord, asking for all of us. On the days when the darkness and the fear overwhelm me, and I cry out against him, asking “How can this be? How come you are letting her suffer so? Why Lord? Why?” I hear his voice reminding me of how much he loves her. Of how he is hurting too. And I cling to Him because I know that even when I can’t see him, he is there waiting to pick each of us up. He is waiting in Love, because he is Love, and he is calling to us as Love even in our brokenness. He is only one who can make us whole, so this Easter I pray that he takes me in my brokenness and heals my soul. And I know tomorrow when she receives the Eucharist he is taking her too in his arms, and rocking her back and forth in Love.

“Draw me near Lord, never let me go, closer to your heart, draw me nearer Lord.”

I included the clip above, in part because I do love Alice in Wonderland, but also because I feel as if I am rabbit many days, and while perhaps I am not late to class, there is that sense of urgency that I am falling behind constantly and my to do list only seems to be getting longer. It is as if the clock has become my worst enemy! And yet as catholics we are in the liturgical season of lent, a time for repentance and reflection. As classes are over in a month, final papers and portfolios due in several weeks, it feels like there is not time to reflect on my life. Though I feel if it were not grad school keeping me busy, it would be something else. And yet how does one go about finding the minutes in the day to stop and reflect on God. I feel like I am constantly praying to finish a paper, or for a friend, or that traffic hurries up so I don’t arrive at the office too late…thought these prayers only seem to heighten the sense of urgency, and make me want to pick up my heels! Like the pun? ;)

Back in undergrad a good friend used to open his prayer meeting with Psalm 91. There is a version of this on itunes sung by Katie Rose, and even in that 10 minute walk from the parking garage to work, I find slipping in my headphones I am more relaxed as I walk through that glass door. For the Lord will keep angels over us, and he is there for us even when we run around like the White Rabbit, he knows us each by name, and calls us to drop the clock for a moment, or even run with the clock, but also with his word in our hearts.

                                   A MAN FELL ON HIS KNEES

http://tmagazine.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/09/styled-to-a-t-terrance-hayes/

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